


Space Crazy

by icarus_chained



Category: The A-Team (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Space, Crazy, Gen, Humor, IN SPACE!, Insanity, Kidnapping, Mercenaries, Rescue Missions, Space Pirates, Team
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-31
Updated: 2014-07-31
Packaged: 2018-02-11 05:35:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2055660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icarus_chained/pseuds/icarus_chained
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes rescues can look a bit like kidnappings. And sometimes there's some overlap between mercenary work and space piracy. Or there is when the A-Team is involved, anyway.</p>
<p>A-Team in space, everybody.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Space Crazy

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a prompt, because the universe has apparently decided that I'm writing space opera a lot right now. Heh.

If someone had asked Riona what was the one thing she didn't want to be doing today, an unexpected space walk in a blacked-out evac suit while being _kidnapped_ ... probably wouldn't even have occurred to her, but rest assured that if it had she would have been clear about the _not wanting to_ part. 

The shock as her mag-boots hit a metal surface was a relief she didn't even dare to name, and she completely did not care that she'd started hyperventilating the second her hands and knees hit whatever floor it was after them. Someone toggled her visor, alien hands beside her head, and then she could see again, she could see the loading bay around her and the light changing as the external doors slid closed and the sudden brightness as they shut out the _airless void_ behind her. Joy, oh joy, she had never been so happy to see internal lighting come up in her _life_.

"Well," said a cheerful voice above her, "that went surprisingly well, didn't it?"

"Face, as always, you have a remarkable talent for understatement," said a second one, and abruptly there was a hand under Riona's arm, and her kidnappers gently hauled her back to her feet between them. She blinked wildly, faced abruptly with two human males, one sporting grey hair and a manic grin, the other blond and somehow contrite-looking. "Now we just have to get everyone settled and have Murdock bug out of here. That ship won't stay silent for long."

"Oh my god," Riona managed, staring at them. "Are you people _space pirates_?! What the hell did I do that I'm getting kidnapped by space pirates!"

They blinked at her, bemused. "Well," said the blond, hesitating a bit. "Firstly, we're more rescuing you than kidnapping you. And we're not _pirates_ , as such. We're more mercenaries, really. Just, ah. Illegal ones. In space. With the odd stolen spaceship. But not pirates. We don't usually hijack people? It's not piracy unless you hijack people and rob them, I think."

Riona stared at him. She looked down at her stolen evac suit and their hands still wrapped supportingly around her arms, and looked back up with a rather more skeptical look than she thought you were probably supposed to give your _kidnappers_. You weren't supposed to antagonise people like that, she figured that, but _honestly_?

"Ah," the blond started, a sheepish and startlingly handsome smile abruptly creeping across his face. "Sometimes rescues can look a bit like kidnappings? And sometimes there's a bit of overlap between mercenary work and piracy. Once in a while."

"And there's that understatement again," the older man murmured, and the look on _his_ face was pirate through-and-through. Riona had never seen a more piratical grin in her life. "Face, would you escort our guest up to the cockpit while I see to our good sergeant? I'd like to get out of here sometime today."

Face shook his head, still smiling fit to break hearts. Not that Riona was looking at it or anything. "Sure thing, Hannibal," he said, with a tip of his head that looked surprisingly genuine. "Better you than me, that's for sure."

They shared a look at that, a wry grimace that looked to be the result of long habit, and without another word split up, the older man heading deeper into the loading bay, 'Face' leading her up a gantry and towards the upper decks, pausing only to deactivate the mag-boots but not, she noted, to remove the evac suits.

"... What's he going to do to your sergeant?" Riona chanced, while he directed her up a narrow gangway towards what she guessed was the cockpit. She probably should have better questions to be asking, but the entire exchange had baffled and slightly alarmed her. What were they going to do to one of their own people that was 'better you than me'? And if they'd do it to one of their own, what would they do to her?

"Well, you see," Face started, but was interrupted barely half a sentence in as they opened the hatch into the cockpit and one of the most bizarre men Riona had ever seen swivelled around in his pilot's chair and waved a greeting to them.

"Hey, Faceman!" he grinned, bouncing forwards to help pull her into the room, pushing her gently into a launch chair and grabbing the other man's arm with a smile. "Nice work on the space walk, kiddo! Me and Billy here were watching." He patted empty air. "Sweet as pie, Face. Very nice."

"... Thanks, Murdock," Face managed, making an apologetic face in her direction, possibly in reference to the apparently invisible Billy. "If it's all the same, though, I hope I won't be doing it again anytime soon. A space walk is one thing. A space walk with a blind passenger and Hannibal on the jazz is another thing entirely."

'Murdock' waved that one off, steering Face around him with a lot more strength than it looked like a man that wiry should have, plopping him down in a seat next to Riona before he really seemed to realise what was happening. The pilot smiled, and patted his friend gently on the cheek, the gesture oddly more reassuring than patronising. 

"You did fine," he said, entirely seriously, and then twitched his head like a switch had been flipped, and threw himself into his own chair with a dramatic sigh. "Now you just have to introduce me to the lovely lady while we wait for Hannibal to put B.A. to beddie-byes."

Face opened his mouth, probably to attempt said introduction, but Riona was really, really beginning to worry about Hannibal and whatever he was supposed to be doing right now. She leaned forward, sticking out a determined hand towards the pilot to get the formalities out of the way, and got a word in before anyone else could waylay her. 

"Hi there. I'm Riona Santos, the nice lady you all just kidnapped, and would someone _please_ tell me what this Hannibal is supposed to be doing to your sergeant?"

They blinked at her, looking at each other and having what appeared to be an entire conversation in one expression, but _yet again_ , before anyone could actually answer her, a loud clang sounded from the gangway, and Hannibal himself appeared with a gigantic and thoroughly _unconscious_ man propped over his shoulder. He wrestled what was presumably the sergeant in through the narrow doorway and dropped him into a seat with a long sigh of relief. 

Riona, nonplussed, stared at him. He didn't appear to notice, getting himself and the sleeping man settled, but the other two sure as hell noticed the wide-eyed look she promptly sent them. They grimaced in complete unison, and did their best to look innocent.

"It's not what it looks like," Face told her immediately, waving both hands in a placating gesture. "He's just asleep, is all. He'll wake up in about an hour once we're safely past the jump point, no harm, no foul. I swear."

Riona didn't answer. She was well past the point of sensibility by now. He winced, and looked helplessly at the pilot, who scratched at his ear with an idle grin.

"B.A. isn't that fond of hyperspace," the pilot explained. Or what he appeared to _think_ was explanation. "Apparently someone told him when he was a kid that if you looked outside the ship when jumping, you'd go completely and utterly insane? Something like that. He's fine in normal space flight, but as soon as a jump is announced he gets all weird and panicky and keeps trying to bury himself under a floor panel or something so he won't accidentally see anything. We just drug him up a bit to get him past the jump point so he doesn't hurt himself. Or, you know, the rest of us. That's all."

Riona digested that. She looked at him, a nice, friendly man who apparently talked to invisible people, then at the man beside him, a thoroughly handsome man who had swindled an entire ship into politely letting him drag somebody out an _airlock_ , then to the nice grey-haired maniac apparently in charge of crazy plans like involuntary space walks and naptimes and other piratical ventures. Finally, she looked at the poor man snoring gently in his chair, unconscious because _somehow_ he'd gotten the idea that maybe looking into the maws of hyperspace made people crazy. Somehow. 

"You know what?" she said faintly, leaning over to rest a commiserating hand on the unconscious man's shoulder. "Right now I think maybe he might have the right idea. I don't even know what I'm doing here or what you are, space pirates or mercenaries or _whatever_ , but you're definitely crazy. You're all _insane_. Completely and utterly insane. He's not wrong about that."

"Maybe," said Hannibal, startling her into looking at him, at the light of cheerful madness in his eyes. "Maybe he's not wrong, and maybe neither are you. You'll have a long couple of days to talk to him about it later, while we're getting you back to your sister. But lady, I promise you something. We're the _fun_ kind of crazy."

And it said something, Riona thought, it said certainly said _something_ that the man really did seem to believe it.


End file.
